Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Merry Christmas


Monday, November 20, 2006

Why couldn't I have been born in India?

The Hindi answer to every bad musician America has to offer:

I wonder what the hindi word for "thriller" is...


Sunday, November 05, 2006

Ugly Dog Olympics

I've already shown you the ugliest dog in the world. But since he's been mercifully put down, the world title for ugliest dog alive is now up for grabs. Which of these hideous pooches will walk away as the new champ? That's up to you; cast your vote in the comments section of this post. The contestants are broken down into four categories, choose wisely.

Our first round of competitors is the "Spawn of Kujo" category:

This is Muffie. She likes to play fetch, go on long walks, and tear the flesh off paper boys and delivery men. Fortunately, she was born completely blind so she's not as threatening as she appears, every once in a while though she gets lucky.

This is Reginald T. Berkowitz. The first four years of his life were happy ones spent with his owners at a lake house in Vermont. That all changed one fateful winter night when little Reginald was struck by lightning, giving him the power to destroy anyone who makes the mistake of looking him in the eye.

Meet Scurvy. He's a very disturbed dog that was almost put down last year after he attacked his owner and three senior citizens. Luckily - for him - he was run over by an ice cream truck later that night. The accident claimed both his hind legs, causing him to be viewed as less of a threat to his neighborhood and in turn, saving his life.

This is Steve Perry, he was born with Hydrophoby. I think he's sufferin'.

The next round is the "Wait, that's a dog?" category.

This is Stanley J. Binkus. Stanley is most commonly mistaken for a mop... until his hair gets really dirty and then he is mistaken for Bob Marley.

This is Oprah. She is most commonly confused with a pile of dirty rags. She has had multiple owners due to the fact that she has, on numerous occasions, been accidentally donated to the Good Will. Strangely, all of her masters have seen fit to name her "Oprah". What are the odds of that?

This is Lil' George Clinton. This little pooch has more soul in one of his little dred locks than anyone else in his native Alaskan homeland.

This is Stripe. Stripe has maintained an illustrious film and television career playing the villain in many B-movies, namely "Gremlins" and "Gremlins 2 the new batch".

Meet Reuben, he is most often mistaken for something that another dog has regurgitated.

Round three; the "Dog Deluise" category:

This is Jabba the Mutt. I can't seem to figure out how he got that name.

This is Matt. Theoretically speaking, Matt still has the ability to stand up on his own. However no one has witnessed him do so in over 7 years.

And last, it's the "Honey, put it in reverse and finish him" category:

It's unclear if Lil' Justice here is foaming at the mouth or choking on some kind of rodent. By the looks of him, I'd say it's probably a little bit of both.

This dog's name is the "Unsinkable Doggy Brown". He's survived numerous near-drownings despite the best efforts of literally all of his owners.

Wait a minute, that's not a dog. Wow, I can't imagine how that one could have slipped in.

The jury is still out on weather or not Roscoe here is even a dog. Some say it's a rat, others say it's a Mogwai. Either way, I wouldn't feed it after midnight until I get the okay from a licensed veterinarian.

This is Skippy. If nothing else, Skippy's life has served to raise more questions about the possible evil nature of Chihuahuas, not to mention their questionable status as a bona fide K9 in the first place.

Say hello to Monty. This frightening little pooch is what happens when zoo keepers foolishly cross-bread a dog with a giraffe as a joke. Monty is said to be the only dog in the world that voluntarily wears a smoking jacket. He may not be pretty, but he's got class!

Here's Festus. I think the name says it all.

El Jefe here is possibly the ugliest dog in the contest. What gives her that extra edge is the fact that you know that some crazy lady out there thinks that El Jefe is adorable. It's one thing to have an ugly dog and know it, this is way worse... but that's for you to decide.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Halloween: a day of mistakes

October 31st is a day for people all over the world to do things they're sure to regret as soon as November 1st...

Need I say more.

Well, since it's the season of bad choices, I think it may be time to make the biggest mistake of them all. And lets face it; all big mistakes have something to do with Spam, America's favorite mystery meat.

It's been brought to my attention by a loyal pectator that people without access to pumpkins have begun turning to other food items to fullfill their jack-o-lantern needs.

Well it's definitely scary.

Yes folks, nothing says, "Grandma's medication must be out of date" like the Spam-o-lantern. You'll be the talk of the town when your front porch boasts this homemade catfood scented candle. I can't think of anything that could clear out a room faster than the smell of burning Spam. Well, maybe one thing...