Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A festival of lights



Ok, what's the deal with outside Christmas lights? Honestly, somebody please explain it to me.

Every year my neighbors get progressively tackier with their light arrangements and decorations. My house is literally surrounded by crazy people who are proud of the fact that they've made my street look like the Las Vegas strip. With all these tasteless people, my shadowy, undecorated house stands out like a midget in a punch bowl, and I'm proud of that. One neighbor has so many lights that it literally keeps me awake at night. Being that I've put up with this nonsense for years, I think I've become quite the expert on outside Christmas lights.

There are basically two types of decorators: normal people, who seem content with making their house look identical to everyone else on their street, and lunatics.

This first group of people have no imagination. They use every cliche in the book; Reindeer on the roof, Snowmen on the lawn, and those ridiculous hanging icicle lights that look absolutely nothing like icicles. If this is a picturesque description of your house, then... ummm... awkward silence...

Seriously, if your house is like this, I mean no disrespect, in fact, I wish you lived on my street. That would be alot better than the tasteless imbeciles I currently reside near.



My neighbors and other people like them are just barking lunatics. I honestly think these people watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation to get pointers from Clark Griswold. These psychos engage in competition with other psychos for the "Guess who's responsible for California's energy-deficit award." My street alone is covered with inflatable Santas, garage-door projectors, and enough blinking lights to ground a 747. This year, one of my neighbors has gone crazy with the oversized inflatable Christmas characters. He's got a snowman, a Santa, a Reindeer, a Penguin, and even a giant snow globe. All I can say is; this year, I'm asking Santa for a crossbow.

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17 Comments:

Blogger clyde said...

pecadillo returns only to rip on christmas lights. :) welcome back!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 8:08:00 PM  
Blogger Wes Langdon said...

Ditto. My dad is really upset since our lights aren't PERFECTLY straight lining the roof; he wants them to look like the lights on the stairs in a movie theater . Maybe we SHOULD go for the ever-popular 'santa-collided-into-my-house' gag....

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 10:03:00 PM  
Blogger ~C~ said...

I'm glad I don't live on your block! Thats horrible!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger Matt Brown said...

I have little wooden snow-people outside my door that my father had made, but no lights.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 11:12:00 PM  
Blogger jc said...

All I can say is; this year, I'm asking Santa for a crossbow.
Would you arrest yourself afterwards?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 11:54:00 PM  
Blogger Theteak said...

It's late, I'm blogging and I'm looking out at Satan...er Santa with his snow-sliding thingy on my neigbour's roof. It was over 100degrees today. Why does my rather hot country persist with the snow theme?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 4:34:00 AM  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

Our Bible study meets across the street from the house you mention, so I can affirm your disgust.

Two thoughts of encouragement, my friend:

Just be thankful they don't leave the decorations up all year long, or at least until April.

And be thankful they are not like some of the communities over around Copperhill where whole blocks of large homes have lights strung across the street connecting neighbor to neighbor in some tasteless Electric Street Parade. Honestly, they could have a glowing Santa, sleigh and reindeer traveling a wire from one house to the next like I have seen.

I can say one thing, my 3 year old loves them.

Fred
Hip and Thigh

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 5:42:00 AM  
Blogger Daniel said...

At least you don't have one of those synchronized sound/light shows on your street.

see here

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 8:14:00 AM  
Blogger Daniel said...

By the way - I make no endorsement as to the other content on that site I linked to. The video it links is okay - but I don't know about the rest of the site...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 8:16:00 AM  
Blogger candleman said...

The Pecadillo returns.... at least those Christmas pics look better than that very ugly dog you had up for weeks. BTW the next time my two year old comes out to visit drop me and email and at least let me know where he is... OK???

Thanks!!!

{{{Candleman}}}

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 5:41:00 PM  
Blogger Dave Cleland said...

Awesome reentry! I still check everyday and today I was rewarded for my diligence.

Thursday, December 22, 2005 7:06:00 AM  
Blogger stauf46 said...

Did anyone see the picture that Tim Challies linked to last week, "My kind of Christmas decorations," or something like that? It was a redneck use of reindeer. I found it amusing, my wife didn't. I can't find the link on Tim's site anymore.

Terry

Thursday, December 22, 2005 7:45:00 AM  
Blogger suzi said...

Man, Bah Humbug! I actually think some lights at your current abode would be of great improvement.
At least I can tell you are not loosing that sense of humor, right? ;)
Merry Christmas!

Suzi

Thursday, December 22, 2005 8:54:00 AM  
Blogger Tony Myles said...

I like colored lights... my wife likes white lights.

I just felt like sharing that.

Thank you.

Friday, December 30, 2005 12:18:00 AM  
Blogger J. Wendell said...

Ah brother, you have my sympathies.

brother John

Saturday, December 31, 2005 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger Joanna Martens said...

this one's a breadwinner

Monday, January 02, 2006 5:27:00 PM  
Blogger Gods girl said...

lets just hope that your neighbors don't read that . I don't think it would go over well.

Sunday, March 05, 2006 8:59:00 PM  

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