How to talk like a barber 101

Yesterday, I broke a vow I made years ago and went to my childhood barber shop. I heard that it was under new management with new barbers so I decided to give it another shot. I found that Henry Wonder has retired and Henry J Fox is only working two days a week. This came as good news to me as I have recently been granted the privilege of having hair again.


While getting my hair cut, I noticed something strange about the way barbers talk. I now have a theory: I think it may be impossible to carry on a normal conversation with a barber.

To speak like a barber you must first; make a random observation about your surroundings and direct it at no one in particular. Then you must repeat your comment no less than seven times, in an increasingly more awkward manner each time you say it.

For instance, yesterday’s conversation went as follows;

BARBER: "It's windy today... It's windy today... Today it's windy... Boy it's windy... Windy. Today... It is windy today... Windy, windy, windy. Lot's a wind."

Pec: "Yep."

I quietly agreed but in my mind I was thinking, "Gee, I kinda wish this guy wasn't holding a pair of scissors next to my head right now."

Yikes

All right, check this out and try not to dry heave.

Pecadillo's Kitchen volume 2

You may remember that I made a promise to never post a recipe with exact measurements, and I planned to stand by that promise. But here's the thing; I've come across a pudding recipe that is so good, I'd be willing to break all of my rules just to have more of this pudding.

Now, if you're like me—and let's face it, if you're actually reading this then you probably are—then you didn't know there was any other kind of pudding than the ready-in-five-minutes, Bill Cosby stuff you can buy at the store. Well, apparently, in days of yore (I'm talking about back even before Bill Cosby's time), when people wanted pudding, they would spend hours mixing and blending various creams and flavors together into the delicious dessert we take for granted today. Talk about roughing it, don't even get me started on tribal Indian Jello recipes... but I digress.


A few months ago, at the CrossRoads hoe down, a good friend of mine, Christen, brought homemade banana pudding that she made from scratch. It was so good I think I may have shed a tear. I'm not kidding, this stuff was magical. This was back before I was in the academy, but I'm telling you, if I had a gun with me, I'd have taken the whole bowl hostage.

Christen gave me her recipe, but it was encrypted with measurements and chef lingo directions that mean absolutely nothing to me or to the type of people that read this blog. I have a strong suspicion that most of my readers are a lot like me... you know, my 'pectators. But at least we're men - not fancy boys, so what if we're all going to die alone. When we cook, we don't think in terms of cups and ounces; we use handfuls and little handfuls. We don't bake; we microwave. And to us, "fondue" is a four-letter word.

"Then why, Pec", you ask, "would you post a recipe with fancy boy measurements we can't possibly understand?" Well my answer is that the pudding is just that good. We may all be terminally single, but we have to know someone that can make this pudding for us. Whether it's your mom, or your sister or some fancy boy you might know, just find someone. You won't be disappointed.

Her recipe is as follows:

To serve 10 People (or 1 Pecadillo)

Ingredients:

1 (14-oz.) can of condensed milk
1 (3.5-oz.) package instant vanilla pudding
1 1/2 cups cold water
1 pint (2 cups) heavy whipping cream
1 box vanilla wafers
4-5 bananas, dipped in lemon juice and then sliced, OR sliced first and sprinkled heavily with EverFresh fruit preserver (then brown very quickly, even after the pudding is assembled)

Directions:
1. Whip whipping cream in a Kitchen Aid or a blender until light and fluffy. (her words, not mine)

2. Mix together water, pudding mix, and condensed milk until well blended, and then fold in a whipped cream.

3. In a large clear bowl or trifle bowl (trifle bowls work well for double batches), spread one thin layer of the pudding/cream mixture across the bottom. Then line the sides of the bowl all the way around with vanilla wafers (standing upright in the pudding) and also place some, evenly spaced across the pudding layer. Next, layer sliced bananas liberally in the spaces between the wafers and on top. Repeat layering with a thicker layer of the pudding, then the wafers, then the bananas, until you reach the top of your bowl. How many layers you have will depend on the height of your bowl, but we usually do about 3-4. Be carefull to watch your proportions of pudding, wafers, and bananas so that you don't run out... you want your last layer to be a nice thick layer of pudding. Smooth it nicely across the top and top with a few sprinkles of crumbled vanilla wafers.

4. Refrigerate the pudding for at least an hour or two so that it will be nice and chilled for serving. However, as the vanilla wafers get soggier and the bananas get browner the longer that it sits after you make it. I probably wouldn't recommend making this one the night before. It's best to refrigerate it no longer than 5-6 hours before serving.

Enjoy