My dog is better than your dog!
This is my dog, Wrigley J. Rimmer. It is my belief that all dogs should have three names, just like us. Giving your dog your own last name is unimaginative and lame.
Ever seen a Beagle puppy after drinking two pints of Mountain Dew?
This was taken last Christmas. I have no excuse for using that blanket.
Wrigs is a purebred Beagle and he is far cuter than any other dog. I know you're probably thinking (especially if you have your own dog) that is a subjective statement and by nature cannot be proven.
Well you are wrong. My dog is far superior in every way.
Want proof? Check out this sorry excuse for a dog:
What kind of person would let something like this into their home? Do you think she's able to eat around this thing? I can barely keep my lunch down just looking at it now. Imagine being in the same room as this.
And what would you name such a thing? Assuming you've lost a big enough bet, or promised your mother on her deathbed you'd look after her dog; what do you name it? Surely not "Sparky," or "Skippy," or "Cupcake."
I think I'd have to go with "Saddam," or "Stalin," or "Oprah."
If I were to see such a hound, I would surely feel obligated to wipe it's existence from the face of the Earth. Honestly, if you were driving down the street, and encountered this, you're telling me that you wouldn't swerve to hit this thing. In doing so, you'd be doing your country, nay, mankind a favor in ending the life of such a horrid creature.
What's even more sad, the fact that even this dog has a girlfriend.
There must be something seriously wrong with me.