My dog is better than your dog!
This is my dog, Wrigley J. Rimmer. It is my belief that all dogs should have three names, just like us. Giving your dog your own last name is unimaginative and lame.
Ever seen a Beagle puppy after drinking two pints of Mountain Dew?I have.
This was taken last Christmas. I have no excuse for using that blanket.
Wrigs is a purebred Beagle and he is far cuter than any other dog. I know you're probably thinking (especially if you have your own dog) that is a subjective statement and by nature cannot be proven.
Well you are wrong. My dog is far superior in every way.
Want proof? Check out this sorry excuse for a dog:
What kind of person would let something like this into their home? Do you think she's able to eat around this thing? I can barely keep my lunch down just looking at it now. Imagine being in the same room as this.
And what would you name such a thing? Assuming you've lost a big enough bet, or promised your mother on her deathbed you'd look after her dog; what do you name it? Surely not "Sparky," or "Skippy," or "Cupcake."I think I'd have to go with "Saddam," or "Stalin," or "Oprah."
If I were to see such a hound, I would surely feel obligated to wipe it's existence from the face of the Earth. Honestly, if you were driving down the street, and encountered this, you're telling me that you wouldn't swerve to hit this thing. In doing so, you'd be doing your country, nay, mankind a favor in ending the life of such a horrid creature.
What's even more sad, the fact that even this dog has a girlfriend.There must be something seriously wrong with me.
Labels: pectators, stupid people
posted by Pecadillo at 11:29 PM
57 Comments:
Have you seen my bald Beagle?
I knew I had seen that ugly dog somewhere before. He's the puppet host from The Tales of the Crypt.
See picture
Cute Dog.
Bad Logic.
Great Name.
Word: czzptr... the noise a balloon makes when you let it go.
Let me tell you all that despite the ugliness of this dog, I had the worst dog ever as a kid. Looks can be ignored, stinkiness and meanness can not. When I was 10 my parents brought home a cute little mutt that seemed nice. It turned mean and stinky. As a teenager the dog bit my friends and made my house smell like earwax (or something else). It was horrible, I am opposed to dogs in general since this experience.....
Which one is the dog in that first picture after "Check out this sorry excuse for a dog"?
Was that joke too obvious?
Wrigley's cousin Sutton is pretty cute herself. Bring Wrigs for Thanksgiving and we'll let them duke it out for the top dog award.
The librarian just came over and got on to me for laughing out loud of the pictures of the ugly dog posed seductively on a rock like a supermodel. I'd rather have a cat than that dog, and that's saying a LOT.
By saying that your dog is "superior in every way" to other people's dogs you are saying that your dog is superior to my dog; and that is just not so. I have to go to school right now, but when I get home I will write a post about my dog, we will then let the people decide whose dog truly is superior.
Pec – I have to admit that I was a saddened to read your post about how not all dogs are equal. The broad generalization that your dog is “far superior” to any other dog is incorrectly made in my assumption. To make this statement one must assume that you have met every dog in the world…spent some time with them individually over dinner or with a romantic walk in a park (a side note—many Labrador retrievers enjoy the soothing words of children’s poet Eugene Field over a picnic in the park). Here is my problem with your blog: think about this, " You shall be holy men to Me, therefore you shall not eat any flesh torn to pieces in the field; you shall throw it to the dogs” Exodus 22:31. We can obviously assume from this section of scripture that all dogs are created equal, and to throw a whole group of them into a category is a little naive. Granted it did look like that dog did need a little work, but with the help of a show like Extreme Makeover, soon this little pup could be the new hit with all the local lady dogs…come to think of it, if we could pair him up with the “Fancy Boys” they might be able to work their magic…oh wait a second…someone just walked in the room and told me you weren’t really being serious with this post, but were making obvious exaggerations for the sake of comedy…nevermind.
I didn't believe in zombie dogs - I thought it was just one of those voodoo legends from down south...
Funny how your post today was about your dog. I saw my first picture of your dog yesterday on your brother's computer at work and I was commenting on how great your dog is! Yes...I am jealous. I love my dog...but it's getting ugly, it stinks, and its old and at times I think it is slightly retarded. But nothing compares to the dog Sam on your post--I don't think even fancy/nancy boys can help him!
By the way, Pecadillo, I don't feel as though a big enough deal has been made about the quilt with which you chose to wrap yourself in one of your pictures.
The picture is especially interesting in light of your last post about the metro guys at camp. I bet even they wouldn't be caught dead wrapped up in a quilt like that. You'll be sculpting your hair and flipping your collar before Christmas.
Filmbandits get the award for best satirical post (local interest) for 3rd QTR 2005. I'm crying here, trying not to let the people at work know that I'm reading blogs at work.
FB: that's art. You're ready for the NY galleries.
(cough, cough) Will this dog be going with you to your new abode? If this is so I must leave a word to your roomie..."You must, my brother, remain loyal to your true, favorite little Chip! Do not disappoint me and let me hear of love for another!"
P.S. Filmbandits-LOL
Clyde
Your dog may be balding and obese, but he's got character. That goes a long way.
Centuri0n
No, that joke was not too obvious. Personally, I think that lady has a Kathy-Bates-from-Misery feel about her that totally weirds me out. I'm sure she's that dog's "number one fan."
Be expecting more of the same from FilmBandits, he's one of the funniest guys I know.
FilmBandits
Welcome. Since you are new to the blogospere, I feel it is my duty to inform you that such praise from Centuri0n is no small thing. Frank is the man.
Chris
I've got ten bucks on Wrigley.
Like I said, I have no excuse for that blanket. I could say it was cold that day. I could say Wrigs needed a blanket in order to be on the rope hammock due to its design, but alas, there IS NO excuse.
C-train
I can't wait to see how you’re going to argue that your Chihuahua is better than Wrigley. This will be good.
Christian survey
Something tells me that "little Oprah" doesn't smell minty fresh either.
Pec:
C-Train has a chihuahua? Dude, does he cary it everywhere like Britney does? Does it have its own sweater?
I'm not so hot on dogs that weigh less than my wife, but at least a beagle is a hunting dog with a crazy, bass bark.
Chihuahua? AND he looks like Seacrest? Are you sure he was in your Bible study and not the "other" Bible study? I'm getting worried about him.
And what IS up with that quilt, Opie? Chris asks a great question and you ignore it as if your readers had been polled and it's OK to ignore him.
Quilt? Were you not wearing pants that day or something?
My WORD VERIFICATIOn is : "nvuvad"
Ew, the picture of the lady holding the ugly dog is disgusting. It even has a little tumor sticking from it's chest. Within the tumor is probably teeth and a spinal cord. Are those pictures CG?
Cute pics of you and the beagle. However, I think you're feigning sleep in the one, so as to get someone to take your picture. My kids do the same thing. I have photo albums full of them faking naps.
dum butdeep
WRONG. I'm really asleep there. I don't know what the deal is with my eye though. Looks like a twitch or something.
The pictures of little Oprah are real too, no cg.
Frank, it was cold. I needed a blanket of some kind. In my lazy and short lived search for a cloak, I settled for the questionable quilt. At the time, I was not anticipating the use of the family camera. If I had, surely I would have found myself a more suitable blanket.
I did say in the previous post that I don't care what I look like. I guess the same can't be said for some of us (Frank & Chris).
dumbbutdeep, thanks for making me not want to finish this pizza i was eating :(
You are quite bold to assert that your dog is superior to all dogs. Apparently you failed to take into account my dog. You can learn about my stallionous dog here. He is secound to NONE.
There's nothing wrong with the quilt that a little drink with a bamboo umbrella can't fix, Pecadillo.
"Skippy Horatio Crawford", isn't that your last name c-train?
You are so unimaginative (if that's even a word).
This comment is really for C-Train. I tried to post on his blog, but appearantly someone wrote something low-brow or smutty, because my Net-nanny won't let me in.
C-Train, I vote for Skippy. He's by far cooler than Wrigley. Wrigley, admittedly, has a more aesthetic advantage, (cuter) but Skippy definately has more inner-beauty.
However, the fire story didn't really do anything for me, as he didn't save anyone, and may have even left some to die. I think this should be ommited from his testimony.
The only dogs I like are on a stick, covered in a corn-based breading, and smothered in mustard with a side of fries. Dogs are stupid, but loyal. Cats are intelligent, but will sit and quietly watch you get hit by a Cadillac and not even budge. Birds are a mess and the smart ones will repeat all the swear words you say to your parents. Fish...fish are the way to go.
Word Verification: Ozewhrpr
An "Ozewhrpr" is an embarressing quilt for which there is no excuse.
Dumbutdeep-He weighs 12 pounds, how could he pull someone out of a fire? Besides, like I said, he was obviously home alone. I am pretty sure that there were no human casualties in the fire.
It appears as if that ugly dog was in the same apartment fire as Skippy, only it lacked the resourcefulness to get out.
This post is offensive to dogs. Its not all about looks man. Sadly most Christians of your ilk don't understand that.
REV J.J.-
its...a...dog. They cant talk, can't play drums, can't read a book, can't walk with me on the beach, and he can't give me or anyone else a comforting shoulder to cry on... well, maybe he could, but it would be really akward. So it is about looks.
BTW Pec, at risk of sounding suspiciously girly, that dog is adorable... yes, even more than C-Train's. (sorry dude)
wes, whatever....you prove my point.
Be sure to secure your dog before executing a steep dive.
Pec- Skippy has proven himself to be a studly dog. If he were a human he would most definitely be a member of the COC Bible Study whereas your dog would be more atune to the nancy-boy Bible Study mentioned in your previous post.
Pec,
Did you get my email?
Pecadillo, dude I gotta say that I like your dog but... C-Train's dog is way cuter and he does seem like kind of a stud after all that he has been through.
Hi Pecadillo & Everyone else...
I'm dumbutdeep's cousin. She sent me over here because she knew I would like this blog and I do! A good sign is that I read this post and laughed outloud. Then I emailed the link to my sisters because they would dig that nasty dog.
I have to argue that although your dog IS cute. He is not better than the dog I grew up with. His name was Domino. We called him Noonie. He was a Boston Terrier and towards the end of his life, he was overweight, deaf and missing an eye--sorta like if your childhood teddybear was alive; all worn out with love. He was the best.
*sniff*
I just can't picture that zombified corpse of a dog being described as "worn out with love" It .. just... doesn't work in my thinking. Worn out by dog leprosy maybe - but love?
I see the point, but I am just a visual learner I guess. :)
Over from Sadies blog. I can see why people come here. You are totally hilarious. That dog picture made me want to puke. You have a strong case without the contrasting photos. Wrigs is totally cute.
I think daniel didn't see where I was descibing MY dog...not the sickening dog in the original post.
??
What name would I give to that hideous mini-warg?
How about "Legion"?
That'd be so much fun though when it comes to designing the dog tag-
Front: "Legion"
Back: "For we are many"
The only useful purpose this dog could exibit would be at Halloween, when you wouldn't want to be bothered by snotty trick-or-treaters and their snottier parents, so you chain the dog right outside your front door and change porch lightbulb from normal anti-bug yellow to jeepers-creepers green.
Oh, yeah, and you would already have trained the devil dog to attack whenever he hears the word "treat."
Wes,
The tremendous value inherent in ALL dogs is obvious to anyone with more than half a dozen brain cells.
"They can't talk" - Dogs speak very clearly. YOU just haven't taken the time to learn their language.
"They can't walk with me on the beach or...give me a shoulder to cry on" - Wes, Wes, do I really need to address this with you?
Hey dude. Just signed up for a blog. I think my dog has yours beat as far as being cute. But your dog would more then likely beat my dog in a fight.
86
"There's nothing wrong with the quilt that a little drink with a bamboo umbrella can't fix, Pecadillo."
I don't know about you, but it's going to take me about 10 little drinks with bamboo umbrellas before the quilt is okay with me...
And sorry C-Train. I'll let it slide that you had the gall to pose for your own nap picture with Skippy, but posing the dog with a baby is completely over the top. The sentimental appeal did nothing for me. Wrigley in a land slide.
Well, Chris, you being his cousin wouldn't be biased at all now would you. Your comment means nothing to me.
I think that quilt would make a fine Christmas present for your Texican cousin this year, Pecadillo.
Cousin schmousin. I don't even like him. That has absolutely no bearing whatsoever. You might as well face it. You're stuck with a subpar dog. Sorry dude.
And habitans, I just finished a 3 year stint at a church where the median age was 82. I've got _plenty_ of ugly afghans and quilts. I just don't let people take my picture in them.
C-Train,
I'm with Chris on this one. Any dog that can "Do the Dew" is far superior. From a Cubs cup no less! This dog has great taste. Even as a puppy he was making good decisions. He is mature beyond his age.
He's the Derrek Lee to your Hee- Seop Choi.
Dinsdy
You've just earned yourself a link with that one. I couldn't have said it any better myself!
btw, I'm glad to see your still with us. What happened to you?
I think that thing made it's big screen debut popping out of a stomach on "Alien".
Am I right?
Ben O.
Pec-
I haven't really talked about this, but...I was injured recently.
Earlier in the month I visited your side of the U.S., Santa Clarita to be exact. One day, while minding my own business, standing in line at a taco sellin' place, I was attacked by a dog. The dog attack left me with mangled hands, rendering me unable to type.
Yes, the dog that attacked me was none other than Skippy. Did you see the picture of that dog trying to bite that poor kid's nose off?
The pain is still there. Sharp, stabbing pain up my arms. The Dr. says I will recover but my "Thumb-wrestling" days are over.
It is indeed perilous times when common folks can't visit taco sellin' places without fear of animal attacks.
Thanks for the Link. It is truly an honor. Glad to be back.
Go Cubs.
Dins-"The dog attack left me with mangled hands, rendering me unable to type." It would seem that I have trained Skippy well and that he has performed a service for us all by temporarily incapacitating your ability to post. If you ever come back to Santa Clarita and wish to avoid another Skippy attack, here is a tip- don't where that crown you have on in your picture, Skippy hates queens.
wait wait wait...
**Sarcasm alert**
Guys, don't you know? That there's no absolute truth to who has the best dog? I mean shoot no one will really know, I think we should just agree that there's no absoluteness to this so lets say that whatever truth works for you about who's dog is best works.
Gotta say, this is one of the most entertaining blogs I've ever encountered! The apple certainly doesn't fall far from the tree. :)
Is that demon doggie in a record book of som sort?
BTW pec...
Can u please put my last name on that link, or "BIG HONKIN' ZITS"
Pecadillo-
It's about time for another post. I don't think I can bear to look at pictures of the demon dog any more.
word: fuztqtt... the belly button lint from a "cutie" girl's belly button.
Love your puppy photos! Sooooo cute!
The beagle is the most incredible creature alive.too cute.
you're so stupid! you shouldn't get a dog just because it's cute! get one with personality, and one who loves you so don't say he doesn't deserve an owner, because u think you don't deserve to live!
:P
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