People are stupid

As you might have ascertained from my profile, I am an aquarium technician. Basically, I clean fish tanks and treat sick fish. Most of the tanks I maintain are at people's homes or Doctors offices. However, for the last year and a half, I've worked primarily inside the fish store owned by my employer. In that time, I've come to a substantial conclusion about our society; people are stupid.

This simple fact is perpetually reinforced everyday I go to work. If you work in sales, retail, human resources, or have a job that requires you to deal with people in any way, then you know exactly what I mean.

Without a doubt, the most commonly asked question in any type of retail store is, "Do you work here?" I have literally been asked this question hundreds of times. Under normal circumstances, this is not necessarily a stupid question. However, I seem to be asked this no matter what I'm doing. On a number of occasions, I've been asked this question while one of my arms is completely submerged into an aquarium, cleaning it:

Moron: "Do you work here?"
Me: "No, I just like to touch other people's fish."

I've even been asked this while catching a fish for another customer:

Other moron: "Do you work here?"
Me: "No, isn't this a self-service pet store?"

Just today, a customer asked me if I "work here" while I was operating the cash register:

Yet another moron: "Do you work here?"
Me: "No, this a robbery, stick 'em up"

One time, after greeting a customer with my standard, "How can I help you?" I was immediately asked if I spoke English. Now, I live in an area (Southern California) where Spanish is quickly becoming the official language, and it has become necessary to sometimes enquire as to the appropriate manner of expression. However, after HAVING JUST SPOKEN ENGLISH, any previous questions about my heritage and language of choice should have been answered. Also, as you might have noticed from any of the pictures on this blog, that I am one of the whitest humans to have ever walked the face of the Earth; there are certain times during the summer that I am unable to go outside. A guy THAT white in Southern California, speaking fluent English with a native accent. It should come as no surprise that English is my primary language. GOSH!

People are stupid.

This simple truth is also consistently validated at the cinema. Have you ever been in a movie theater, and found yourself wanting nothing more than to senselessly beat the person in front of you? I think we all have.

A few weeks ago, I went and saw a special screening of one of my favorite movies, the Blues Brothers. The party in front of me was courteous enough to get themselves intoxicated before being seated, you know, to make the movie more enjoyable for everyone else. These incredibly thoughtful people decided it would be a good idea to break into applause after every musical number, not to mention recite their favorite lines along with the movie.

When I went to see the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, there was a woman present with her son, who was worse than the aforementioned drunks. This mother/son duo, felt it was their duty to stand up during every fight scene and shadow-box the bad guys. Then, after literally any plot development that was even remotely positive, these two mental giants broke into applause. It took every ounce of restraint for me to not huck my cherry Icee® in their direction.

What kind of mental void must a person have to think that is acceptable behavior? Did these people fall, and subsequently suffer some form of head trauma? Had they taken some bad prescription medicine from Canada? Are their parents cousins? Who knows.

The shadow boxing lady's son has an excuse. His mom is flippin' crazy. But what about everyone else?

People are stupid.