Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Hate is a strong word but I really, really, really don't like the Dodgers.

Who let this guy in?

I'm always amazed at how many people who apparently don't like baseball show up at baseball games. How else can you explain the wave, beach balls, or "DAY-O"? I live In Los Angeles; home of the non-fan fan. We've all heard the stereotypes about LA fans being bandwagoners that only cheer for the winning team....

Well, it's all true. Every bit of it.


It's a well documented fact that in LA, Dodger fans don't file into the stadium until the top of the third. If I miss batting practice I feel late. Nevertheless, Dodger fans wander into the park forty-five minutes late, and usually leave within an hour, depending on which team is winning. If you've never been to Dodger Stadium and witnessed this behavior first hand, you are probably thinking that this sort of thing happens everywhere, and you're right. But what sets LA apart is the sheer quantity of people doing this. I challenge you to go to a Dodger game, and at the bottom of the fifth, if the Dodgers are losing, look out into the crowd the way you'd look at one of those 3D posters that were cool in the mid 90's. You will see mobs of people stand up in unison and file out of the stadium like sheep. It happens every game; you can set your clock to it. In fact, the best way to avoid traffic at Dodger Stadium is to get there on time and leave when the game's over.

Growing up in LA has probably been the greatest contributor to my fierce hatred for the Dodgers. It's not a bad stadium; It's actually a pretty nice stadium... when it's empty. Dodger fans are hands down the worst fans in Major League Baseball.

As a Los Angeles Police Officer, I come across criminals and gangsters everyday. There are few places that make me feel more unsafe that the outfield bleachers at Dodger Stadium. Every game is like an 18th Street gang reunion for all the homies and their little bambinõs. I would venture to guess that there is more gang activity in the Dodger stadium bleachers than in the entire City of San Fernando. And somehow they call that the family section.

A few weeks ago, while at a Dodger game, I sat in front of your typical Dodger fan. It didn't take me long to figure out that this guy was the prototype for all other Dodger fans to follow. My first and second clues were when he showed up in the third inning spilling his beer down the backs of myself and everyone else I was with. Throughout the next four innings, (he actually stayed longer than usual) I had to sit through this man's inane rambling about absolutely nothing. It started with his spouting of inaccurate statistics of the Dodger's line up, then onto how he felt the team should be managed. After exhausting his ability to recite what he had clearly heard on ESPN, the conversation shifted to another topic he knew nothing about; women.

Dad's really let himself go

It's a verifiable fact that Dodger fans boo louder when a 9 year old drops a foul ball than for a home run from the apposing team. This guy was no exception. Even worse, everytime a fly ball was hit, our hero would cheer right until the ball fell into the glove... of the short stop. Apparently, nacho cheese and beer drastically affects one's depth perception.

As much as I hate the Dodgers - and I do, if I could change one thing about the MLB, it would be seating. Tickets for assigned seats should only be good until the game begins. That way, when I'm stuck in the nose-bleeds, I get to automatically upgrade my seats as a reward for punctuality. Once the first pitch is thrown, it should be my right as a loyal fan to relocate to any vacant seat of my choosing while the tardy, non-fans get banished to the upper deck for showing up late.

That's baseball the American way.
Like a Rock

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Blogger bp said...

My only fond memory at a baseball game was when you caught the beachball, stood up, showed it to everyone, and then popped it. That was one of your finest moments.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 11:53:00 PM  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

My first year in LA I had scores of people tell me I needed to go to a Dodger game just for the hot dogs. Being a man who loves a good "dog," I could hardly wait. The way people pumped the Dodger Dogs, they were suppose to be the best meat you could ever possibly put in your mouth. Flavorful and succulent. I was expecting a large, hanging way outside the ends of the bun, half pound slab of steak shaped into a frank.

When the day of the annual singles fellowship trip to a Dodger game came around, I immediately went to get in line for a Dodger Dog. My expectations were not only dashed and shattered into a million pieces when I received my hot dog, the people walking by ground the shards into fine powder.

I felt like it was my grandmother giving me a Bozo Franks brand hot dog she bought at one of those second tier grocery stores like "Jons" down in the Valley. They were puny, shriveled and the bun completely enclosed the thing. I had to eat through just bun before I even got to the abomination called a Dodger Dog. And that was for 5 bucks!

If the Dodgers want to improve their dogs, they need to buy those gigantic Hebrew National Franks they sell at Costco. Now that is a killer "dog;" and it is only a buck fifty.


Wednesday, July 26, 2006 7:46:00 AM  
Blogger Even So... said...

Truly disturbing...

I cannot stop looking at the dancing person over at the side...nnoooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 8:40:00 AM  
Blogger Frank Martens said...

Fred... same experience here.

What I've found though... is nothing beats a mexican hotdog from a small little mexican joint here in Tucson called BK's.


Wednesday, July 26, 2006 9:05:00 AM  
Blogger bp said...

Avast! My crew and I cannot play baseball when we are sailing the high seas. So instead we have devised a game that involves a burlap sack, a blindfold, the ship's boy, and any large blunt object. Life is tough on the open seas, but we make do with what we have.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 9:11:00 AM  
Blogger Aspiring Girl said...

As a devoted Angels fan- I can't help but agree with you more.

"the conversation shifted to another topic he knew nothing about; women."
that's funny.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger FX Turk said...

That guy with the stuff coming out his nose made me lose my lunch. That's gross -- I couldn;t even finish the post.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:00:00 PM  
Blogger Pecadillo said...

Freddy, I've been to ball parks all over the country; Dodger Dogs are easily the worst hot dogs associated with a MLB team. Dodger fans only sing it's praises because they're lemmings and they don't know any better.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:03:00 PM  
Blogger Theteak said...

Oh, and I think you should have arrested the dude with the beer spillage.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:55:00 PM  
Blogger Pastor Eldred said...

Baseball fans follow the philosophy of Miss Lucille VanPelt: "If you can't be right, be wrong at the top of your voice!"

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 3:25:00 PM  
Blogger Steele said...

the only thing worse than dodger fans might be laker fans. i know this because i havent seen a laker jersey in over a year. they are all in the "fans" dresser drawers collecting dust. at least the dodger fans have the cajones to wear their jerseys even though the dodgers have done nothing but disappoint since gibby's homer in the series.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 5:19:00 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

That sorry kid with all the tatoos just makes me sad. There are gangs up here in Canada too, but it isn't anywhere near as bad as L.A. Seeing a kid all painted up like that just breaks my heart.

Thursday, July 27, 2006 3:53:00 AM  
Blogger Jonathan Moorhead said...

I'm typing as I am still laughing at the "dancing person" (as Even So calls "it"). I must say that I survived many visits to the "family section."

The most notable experience was the first time John Rocker (of Atlanta Braves) came to the stadium after his inflammatory comments. As Rocker dashed out of the bullpen my redneck friend and I cheered like crazy while everyone else was booing. We survived the incident and was even able to enjoy watching one of the faithful Dodger fans you talked about dash onto the field and moon Rocker from second base. Ah, sweet memories.

Thursday, July 27, 2006 7:32:00 AM  
Blogger Phil Johnson said...


Dude, I found this rental property in Tuscany called "Casa Pecadillo."

Have you been making investments in your spare time?

This will make a fine retirement villa for your dad someday. Very thoughtful of you.

Friday, July 28, 2006 3:42:00 PM  
Blogger Solameanie said...

Some of those photos are scary.

I don't imagine that Dodger Stadium has a spare electric chair in storage somewhere, do they? At least having it on display might provide some deterrence.

Friday, August 04, 2006 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger clyde said...

I like the Dodgers and their fans. Perhaps you are just a bit jealous about the size of our stadium? Or perhaps the fact that our best hitter doesn't cork his baseball bat?


Wednesday, August 09, 2006 8:29:00 AM  
Blogger Batboy said...

I have been to dodger games and you are totally right. I hate the dodgers, I hate any team other than the Yankees really.

Friday, August 11, 2006 12:40:00 AM  
Blogger Malingering said...

I love the Dodgers, I was born into it, there's no changing your genes, but I must say I am not a huge fan of Dodger "fans." Occasionally I will meet a real fan, but otherwise it's just a bunch of drunk morons who always seem surprised that a woman can tell you the starter's ERA and who was sent down to Vegas this week.

I leave you with this, which I think any true baseball fan can appreciate.

Friday, February 23, 2007 8:57:00 PM  
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