The purpose of Camera Phones

Camera phones are a great invention. Without them, many of my favorite pictures would simply not exist. An image like the one below would never have been captured and thus never released amongst the public for the enjoyment of all mankind.


What a waste that would be.
I don't know who took that picture, but if the photographer didn't have his camera phone with him that day, he never would have been able to prove to his friends that he'd seen the Michelin Man's son at MacDonalds.


This picture was taken on Christmas Eve, 2004 from my phone. NOTE: contrary to what your eyes are telling you, this man is not sans pants. He's simply wearing shorts that are entirely too short for a non-foreign, male adult to be wearing in public.

Myself, the C-train, and Muffin were having our annual breakfast/gift exchange at the local IHOP, a tradition we've continued for years. This guy was already seated behind Muffin's chair when we arrived. He was wearing a matching jacket and shorts combo but because he is approximately 80 years old, the top of his shorts reside a few inches below his armpits. This meant that while seated with a white napkin in his lap, his shorts were completely invisible to the naked eye. It took me and the C-train roughly ten minutes to determine that he was in fact fully clothed. After our discovery, Muffin was kind enough to pose like I was taking his picture while I captured this Kodak moment. Merry Christmas indeed.


My dad took this picture of me in the Tower of London. This guy fell asleep on a bench in the White Tower while hoards of other tourists walked around him. Some stood and pointed, others laughed. I decided to pose for a picture next to the poor guy. He almost woke up twice, once when I sat down and again when onlookers realized what me and my dad were doing.


This guy fell asleep on a bench in a popular shopping area in Santa Monica called Third Street Promenade. Something - either a gust of wind or perhaps a mischievous Seagull - caused the front of his shirt to fly up exposing his protruding belly with a suspicious growth just above his navel. I would have posed for another picture but this guy smelled of old cheese and feet. Dad has really let himself go.


This is the back wall of a dirty Mexican Food joint off Laurel Canyon Boulevard, deep in the heart of the San Fernando Valley. I'm talking about the type of restaurant that proudly displays its well-earned "D" rating by the California Department of Environmental Health. The type of place that probably runs an underground cock fighting/cat juggling gambling ring after hours. This is where society’s outcasts and degenerates spend their time.

I was there having lunch with my family and I was struck by how much this Lone Mariachi looks like Burt Reynolds. "El Smokey era el bandido."


This is the front sign of an abandoned aerobics center near LAX. It's a relic of a time when two men clad in flamboyantly colored spandex could stand that close together without questions of their manhood being raised. At the height of its popularity, this gym was patroned by some of Hollywood's most fabulous stars. It was not uncommon to see George Michael and Elton John spotting each other as they did squat thrusts, power lunges, and seated chest flys. This was a time when "Sweatin' to the Oldies" and "Jazzercise" were acceptable forms of workout. A time when people thought Richard Simmons was just really happy.

Boy, I'm glad those days are gone.