Sunday, October 09, 2005

How to hold a purse without compromising your dude-hood

We've all been there.

Well, maybe we haven't. Guys, if you've ever had a girlfriend or are currently married, you've probably been there. You're out in public—maybe at church, maybe shopping—and both of your lady's arms are occupied, leaving you with the embarrassing task of having to hold her purse. Such is the inescapable and horrifying lot of the boyfriend.

Embracing the purseSome guys try to ignore their perfectly natural and justifiable feelings of discomfort when presented with this dubious task. To compensate, they often embrace the purse; sometimes going so far as to sling it over one shoulder. I think the theory behind this is that if you look like it doesn't bother you, it won't bother anyone else.

Well they're wrong. It bothers me. It should bother everyone. There is simply no excuse for a guy cradling a purse.

It seems like there is no way out of this predicament. We can't refuse to hold the purse. That would make us look like we're uncaring, selfish lugs who think only of ourselves.

That, of course, is true, but we don't want to let on.

Holding the purse like a bombI, Pecadillo, have discovered a way out, and it is surprisingly simple. You don't hold the purse like a football; you don't sling it over a shoulder. You hold it like a bomb—a bomb that could go off at any moment. Because that's what it is.

Holding it this way will surely draw attention to the purse and your current obligation as keeper of the purse.

This approach goes against our natural instincts of attempting to hide the fact that we're holding a purse. But trust me, it's the only way.

The wrong approachAll too often guys will try to hide it under their arm or keep it out of sight in some way. The major flaw to this approach is that, to the untrained eye, you look like you are in possession of something that you are 1. comfortable holding and 2. accustomed to holding. Both of which should not be true.

Instead, the boyfriend should draw as much attention to the purse as possible in an uncomfortable and truly awkward way. Think of the way C-3PO would look holding a purse. One or both arms should be fully extended, drawing attention to the fact that you don't feel right about holding it. Handle the purse with only the tips of your fingers. Never, EVER clutch it or palm it. Pretend your woman found the purse in the street and you don't know where it's been. While in possession of a purse, every movement you make should be unnatural and unsettling, proving to anyone who notices, that you are not a purse-holding fancy-boy.

I have been fortunate. In my brief and limited experience at boyfriend-hood, I have only rarely been put in such an awkward and undesirable position. However, I have had many a friend suffer the humiliation of the girlfriend's purse.

It's not pretty.

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Blogger Chris Meirose said...

The only way for a man to hold a purse and keep some of his manliness is to wear it around the neck, like a dog wears a collar. Having you hold a purse is a womans way of staking claim to her territory. Every other woman in that region knows you are spoken for, if not for long term, at least for that very moment. So wear it proud, put it around your neck for the world to see. At least there someone might laugh or feel sorry for you.

Big Chris
Because I said so blog

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:41:00 AM  
Blogger bp said...

Some of you probably think that some of the topics of Pec's posts aren't things that we actually think about or talk about in normal conversation. I must confirm that we really do talk about these things... a lot; this stuff isn't merely made up so as to provide material for an interesting post. I remember the night when Pecadillo and I first begun to discuss the mistakes males make when holding a purse. I am sad to say that it was born out of the actions of one of the guys in our own Bible study and not the fancy boy Bible study. He wore it over his shoulder and clutched it tightly. I can never look at him in the same way.

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:47:00 AM  
Blogger Chris Meirose said...

As a second thought, this is also reason to not own or wear pink shirts. Pink shirt + holding purse = serious questioning looks from those around you.

Big Chris

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:49:00 AM  
Blogger Theteak said...

I just kick it along the ground until she's ready to carry it again.

Monday, October 10, 2005 1:13:00 AM  
Blogger bp said...

The Teak's idea intrigues me; it is so simple Pec, how could we have overlooked it?

Monday, October 10, 2005 1:22:00 AM  
Blogger Theteak said...

There are some very robust handbags out there...

Monday, October 10, 2005 1:45:00 AM  
Blogger Theteak said...

Hey, I have a picture now to go with my profile.

Monday, October 10, 2005 2:02:00 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

C-Train: I love Pec's post topics. He really speaks to the common man. ;-)

Pec: First I have to ask, what is your woman holding that is not more appropriate for you, in all your manlyness, to be holding yourself? I picture her helping someone carry out a couch or a piano, while you're standing there in pose #2. ;-D

Second, if all other options have been exhausted, I prefer to ignore the strap all together and carry it loosely by one of the strap holders so it hangs down at an angle with the strap dangling. It's a hold that gives off the impression that a) You're returning it to it's owner b) You don't know what's in the bag c) You don't do this often.

It's possible that pose # 1 will score you some cuteness points if limited to one occurance. But I'm not sure on that... :-D

Monday, October 10, 2005 7:56:00 AM  
Blogger Filmbandits said...

Pec - we’ve known each other for years so I feel perfectly safe in pointing out a few things to you. Please take this as cautionary advice and nothing more. Whereas you did a nice job in trying to evaluate the proper technique of purse holding and all the many steps one can take to protect one’s manhood…I believe you overlooked one major step which is cause for alarm. We start with the shirt you have on in the pictures. On its own, no one would necessarily give it a second thought. But combine its colorful arrangement and decorative pinstripes with a purse and suddenly our hero becomes “Metro-man”. See it’s not just the purse a man has to take into consideration but the entire ensemble. If you would have had on one of your old Stone Cold Steve Austin shirts then it would have been less confusing on whether or not the purse was yours. With that shirt and purse they suddenly become a nice combination that your “special friend” Bob could have picked out for you. The fact that several poses have you holding the purse like a bomb…this could easily be confused with the fact that you just found out the purse Bob gave you for your birthday is a Prada knock-off and you want nothing to do with it. Now before you become too discouraged and want to loose the shirt, know that this can definitely come to your aid since women seem to be comfortable with the metros. Let’s say you are out on a date and she asks you to hold her purse and you have on the proper shirt and pants…and your thoughts on the date thus far have been so so…take this opportunity to scope out the playing field and use your non-threatening attire to strike up a conversation with any of the other lovely ladies that may be around. In today’s climate most young women will not be surprised to see you holding your “man-bag” (insert your favorite fancy-boy’s joke here). Just remember you can always make the best of every situation.

Monday, October 10, 2005 8:32:00 AM  
Blogger Chris Freeland said...

#1. It's not a purse... it's a satchel.

#2. I'd rather hold my wife's purse ANY day than go shopping for her along aisle "8b."

Monday, October 10, 2005 9:06:00 AM  
Blogger Frank Martens said...

sounds like a pride issue :)

Monday, October 10, 2005 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger selectedcomments said...

hey pec-
somebody told me i should take a look at your blog. its very interesting. too say the least. I have a table cloth just like that shirt

Monday, October 10, 2005 12:03:00 PM  
Blogger FX Turk said...

You obviously have no experience with women.

The pre-emptive solutions are far more effective:

(1) Carry all the money in your wallet. Be the bearer of the method of payment. If your woman doesn't need to carry money, she doesn't need to cary her purse.

(2) If she is completely attached to the accessory, you carry a backpack. That way, when she requires you to carry her purse (and she will -- if she has it, you will wind up with it), stick it in the backpack. It may be the only thig in the backpack, but at least them you don't look like your mommy forgot to potty train you when have to take possession of the purse.

So be a man, or carry a backpack.

Monday, October 10, 2005 2:29:00 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

DOH! After reading Centuri0n's remark, I looked at his profile pic to see if he had a backpack on... before noticing that I'M wearing a backpack in my new profile pic...

Monday, October 10, 2005 4:10:00 PM  
Blogger CSB said...

I disagree with Pec. The football hold is the only way. If you grip it right, you can hold the opening shut (to avoid coin spillage) and fake like you are a quarterback. There's nuthin as macho as a quarterback, right?

Monday, October 10, 2005 5:10:00 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

You could always go the reverse psychology route- "Honey - I can't carry your purse; it would clash with my man-blouse!"

Seriously though, after you have kids, the whole "purse" thing becomes moot. Diaper bags are where it is at man. Diaper bags.

Monday, October 10, 2005 6:48:00 PM  
Blogger CSB said...

I absolutely refuse to hold a purse. Of course I am not married and have only had one girlfriend my whole life and she left me when I went to seminary.....but that is another story.

Monday, October 10, 2005 8:27:00 PM  
Blogger Pecadillo said...

Your first solution only works if you're married. The boyfriend pays for almost everything: all date expenses, and stuff like that. But not while shopping. Even if a boyfriend was required to ay for clothes and stuff like that, a chick's purse contains a lot more than just money. Maybe you're the one who has no experience with women.

A back-pack? Are you serious???
What about going somewhere after church or someplace nice, ya know, places where back-packs are frowned upon.

Hey filmbandits
I happen to like my shirt of many colors, and so does my fantastic sister-in-law. So there.

Christian Survey
Do you just want to get banished from my blog???

To everyone else...
If you left a comment earlier today, and find yourself wondering what happened to it; go check out the rule for my blog. Many of you made a joke that my mom took offense with. Seeing how six people made the same joke, it obviously wasn't that original.

The only version of the joke I decided to allow was made by my cuz, Chris Freeland. He was subtle - in other words - my mom didn't get it. Way to go, Chris. You get a gold star.

Monday, October 10, 2005 11:11:00 PM  
Blogger CSB said...


I am sorry. I retract my football comment and apologise to your readers.....

I might as well take back the Columbo comments while I am at it. Rockford files is the best.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:02:00 AM  
Blogger FX Turk said...


Let me advise you that it is unwise to go out in public with a woman when there is anything else but money and her cell phone in her purse. With regard to taking a backpack to church, you should stand at the foyer of your church when everyone is rushing out to get to brunch: count the number of backpacks you see being carried. I think you'll be surprised.

I'll cut you some slack today because it is your birthday. the next 22 years are as entertaining as the last 8 weeks have been.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 6:38:00 AM  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

Hey Pec,
Tell your mother I repent in sackcloth and ashes and will brand the word "vulgar" in my forehead as punishment.


Hip and Thigh

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 7:07:00 AM  
Blogger Filmbandits said...

Pec - I said the shirt is nice...but as soon as you add a purse it takes on an entirely different look. And your sister-n-law is a sucker for that's not a good reference.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger Aspiring Girl said...

I too will place myself in the "joke rejects" list. I appreciate you understanding my joke as a joke this time, guess now all i have to do is refine what i write.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger FX Turk said...

Dan --

I'd like to note for the record that in my family, I am the man. I don't need a backpack because my wife doesn't need a purse.

End of story.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:31:00 PM  
Blogger FX Turk said...

Yes, that was my Dice impression. I needed the money.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:32:00 PM  
Blogger Jeremy Weaver said...

Nice purse.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 5:56:00 PM  
Blogger Phil Johnson said...

Aw, Pecadillo... I was going to get you one of those European boy-bags for your birthday.

Does this mean you don't want your birthday present?

Happy birthday, goob.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 7:44:00 PM  
Blogger FX Turk said...

Oh boy: Goob.

And who said Phil Johnson doesn't care about me?

Goob. That's worth almost a week of blogs right there.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:23:00 PM  
Blogger tonymyles said...

If you have the wedding ring on you can hold it any way you want.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 9:35:00 PM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Happy Birthday Pec!

Just wanted to get that in before the day was out.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005 10:56:00 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

You could always make a point of carrying a folded plastic carrier bag in one of your pockets (or even your wallet, if it can be done) and then at the appropriate moment, whip it out, and put the handbag in it.
Important the carrier bag is from a manly sort of store, though. Would be totally counter-productive to have a girly bag to hide the girly bag in.

Not a problem in our house, though. That's why my husband pushes the buggy. Besides, my essentials are in the nappy bag.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 2:02:00 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

Watch out, Pec. You might get smitten because of your "fancyboys" comment... Just a warning. ;)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 6:56:00 AM  
Blogger steve said...


You need to embrace your pain, own it as your own. Kinda like aversion therapy: so you need to go out and buy the biggest, brightest, splashiest purse around and wear it with pride for a while to overcome your pursophibia and gnawing inhibitions and masculine insecurities and stuff.

I'm sure there are many Episcopal bookstores that sell purses for men. I think that Vicki Gene Robinson came out with a line of purses for the prelate who has everything.

Get with the program, dude!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 9:23:00 AM  
Blogger Bazooka-Joe said...

New bumper sticker: WWC3POD

What would C3PO do?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 9:25:00 AM  
Blogger Cindy Swanson said...

Happy birthday, Pecadillo! Let me take this opportunity to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. It's become a regular visit for me, and I've added you to my blogroll.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 9:39:00 AM  
Blogger Jason Robertson said...

Just thought I would stop by for some laughs. I think it has been "kick the dog" day over at Fide-O. Happy (late) Birthday!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 3:29:00 PM  
Blogger Aspiring Girl said...

I forgot to say happy birthday. happy birthday.
Now youre two years older than me.

Dang it.

Thursday, October 13, 2005 10:01:00 PM  
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