Saturday, August 26, 2006

How to talk like a barber 101

Yesterday, I broke a vow I made years ago and went to my childhood barber shop. I heard that it was under new management with new barbers so I decided to give it another shot. I found that Henry Wonder has retired and Henry J Fox is only working two days a week. This came as good news to me as I have recently been granted the privilege of having hair again.

While getting my hair cut, I noticed something strange about the way barbers talk. I now have a theory: I think it may be impossible to carry on a normal conversation with a barber.

To speak like a barber you must first; make a random observation about your surroundings and direct it at no one in particular. Then you must repeat your comment no less than seven times, in an increasingly more awkward manner each time you say it.

For instance, yesterday’s conversation went as follows;

BARBER: "It's windy today... It's windy today... Today it's windy... Boy it's windy... Windy. Today... It is windy today... Windy, windy, windy. Lot's a wind."

Pec: "Yep."

I quietly agreed but in my mind I was thinking, "Gee, I kinda wish this guy wasn't holding a pair of scissors next to my head right now."



Blogger bp said...

I found this new place called the Acobella Salon and it is MARVELOUS!!! The conversation at a salon is soooooooooooo much more stimulating than that one you descrivbed!

P.S. I adore my stylist Benicio, he never fails to show me a good time when he styles my hair. He tells me all the latest gossip and lets his magic hands go to work. We talk and giggle like a couple of school girls... except we're boys:) When hes done I look and feel like a new man:)

P.S.S. One time Benicio had to cancel and I had to get my hair styled by LaShane- and it was awful. He doesn't know the difference between a razor cut and a layered cut!

Sunday, August 27, 2006 12:49:00 AM  
Blogger clyde said...

Jonathan, please don't go to the barber again. I was scared just to read the title. I'll give you the inside scoop on who you need to go to. Never go to Supercuts. Please. Please. Please.

It was windy yesterday, windy. Yes windy.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 7:08:00 AM  
Blogger Theteak said...

I love talking to those lawnmower dudes - you can't hear a thing.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 7:10:00 AM  
Blogger bp said...

Avast! Toby, don't take this the wrong way, but you're so fruity that your presence alone could prevent me and my whole crew from ever getting scurvy out on the high seas.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 9:33:00 AM  
Blogger Pecadillo said...

Clyde, I don't go to supercuts. But I am interested in hearing about your place... as long as it's not Flo's Hair Palace.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 1:39:00 PM  
Blogger Roda said...

It must be a guy thing. Go to a Salon and listen to the women talk. I've been going to the same place for about 14 years (yes I'm old) and my hair girl and I pick up our conversation wherever we left off from a month or two before. So first of all, go to the same place for years. Secondly, relate personal things about yourself to said stylist. This guarantees that you will always have theraputic haircut sessions. Thus saving money on a psychiatrist while getting a good cut.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 8:06:00 PM  
Blogger Even So... said...

Pec, there has got to be some law against Toby's hair, dude...

Sunday, August 27, 2006 10:16:00 PM  
Blogger bp said...

Blog Pirate- I'm not fruity! I just have stlye, taste, and flair-- I'm a triple threat:)

Roda- You know exactly what I'm talking about girlfriend:) We don't just go to a salon for the great hair care, we go for that personal touch. My stylist Benicio always gives me the greates advice. Like you said it is a lot like therapy. It is to bad most guys don't think it is manly to go to a salon. Oh well, that leaves all the fun for people like you and me;)LOL

Monday, August 28, 2006 2:39:00 AM  
Blogger Frank Martens said...

wack dude, wack

Monday, August 28, 2006 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger bp said...

Thats right, I go to a place called Flo's Hair Palace. Pecadillo's former boss gets his hair cut there; he will make the chick cutting his hair stay for two hours getting the color of his eyebrows to match his hair perfectly. The dude is a neurotic mess.

Monday, August 28, 2006 2:12:00 PM  
Blogger Fred Butler said...

You have hair?

The last time I saw you, you looked like that private pyle guy from Full Metal Jacket.


Monday, August 28, 2006 6:07:00 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

LOL I wish I had a barber like that.
He's repeating himself BECAUSE HE'S FOCUSED ON YOUR HAIR!

I cringe when the person cutting my hair loses focus and goes over a spot twice... pauses... checks the other side... then asks if I want my hair to be a little shorter this time.

Don't fuel a conversation when someone has a sharp object touching your head.

And that brings up another topic: Why does the dentist ask a question and then shove the vacuum into your mouth before you can answer?

P.S. Toby's comments make so much more sense when I click on the 'comment' button and get reminded what his avatar looks like...

Monday, August 28, 2006 7:15:00 PM  
Blogger Ali said...

Blog pirate is right, Toby H. Your picture alone is creepy. nothing personal, it just scares me.
There is nothing wrong with good-n-healthy conversation. It wouldn't kill you, Pec, to initiate some conversation with the strange barber man. when he say's it's windy, he's reaching. Talk about how windy it was in paris when you whent visiting your great aunt's butler, or how you once did a science progect on high wind speeds. Have some pity for the sake of the barber!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006 12:46:00 AM  

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